Do We Choose Love? or Does Love Chose Us?

Photo by Andrew Seaman on Unsplas

Accident or design

Did you choose love or did love choose you?

I think that love chooses us.

We meet many people in the course of a day and over a lifetime.

All of it by design.

Sometimes there is a temporary exchange and then we each go our merry way and in an instant that meeting is forgotten.

But that meeting serves one or both of you in some way.

Then there are those people we meet that make a temporary impact on us. A deeper imprint on the fabric of our lives.

An as the meeting concludes it crosses your mind that in different circumstances, you could see a friendship develop.

But the purpose of your meeting is served and the relationship is severed. Each one leaves satisfied.

Yet there are those we meet intermittently throughout the course of a life.

We may not maintain constant contact but there is a depth of “mutual need” that remains on a temporary or a permanent basis.

Once this relationship ends, we can move on with transient regret/sadness to be quickly forgotten.

We may think of them from time to time with a fondness, though we do not grieve their loss with any real depth.

Then there are those we meet that make a forever imprint that is impossible to erase.

Sometimes the meeting is fleeting, sometimes it lasts a while.

But we touch each other on a soul level, we instantly feel comfortable in their company and love found a home there.

We can let our hair down and be our authentic selves.

Even at the inception of the meeting, there is a feeling that we “know” that person.

Why does this occur?

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

The birth of love

It does not take much to love others.

We did not consciously choose to love who we love, yet somehow it seems love was always present. Love just needed to meet and be birthed.

Some days ago, as my co-worker and I drove away from work in separate directions, I felt that ping of regret. It crossed my mind that someday, the separation will be permanent.

She is older than I and plans to retire in about 2 years,

But I have such fun working with her. We have such great conversations throughout the day.

And I have grown to love her.

We don’t have a relationship outside of work really and I will walk away a little sad.

Did I choose that love or did the love choose me?

Photo by Malcolm Lightbody on Unsplash

Do we choose who we love?

I believe love chooses us.

We cannot/do not make a conscious choice to love.

Love simply happens.

Oftentimes against our better judgment, we find ourselves drawn to people and falling hopelessly in love.

I believe we have no control over the process and cannot influence it one way or another.

If we could choose love, we would be able to stop ourselves from falling in love and if we no longer wanted to be with a person, we would simply command ourselves to stop.

We have no more influence on how it develops to how it ends if it ever really ends (another post).

I posit that we are simply pawns in a heated game of chess being played by universal champions.

The queen or the king gets taken each time against their will.

Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

The takeaway

I have met many people during the course of this life.

In healthcare, setting faces can become lost in the crowd. Yet there are patients who have made an impact on me. I remember them and their stories.

We formed a bond and made an imprint that is impossible to erase.

I loved them on some level. I wanted the best outcome for them and I did all that I could for the times our paths intersected.

Along the way, some have loved me, some I have loved.

I refer to all love, with no distinction of any specific type of love.

I speak of the people we have felt deep affection for, those that have changed our lives in some way as we have changed theirs.

The loves that we never want to lose, and if we lose them we ache forever, in places and ways we cannot really define.

Each time they are called into remembrance it brings a wailing of the soul.

The ones we try always to replace though it remains a vain hope.

Why did we meet?

Why did we gravitate toward each other?

The meeting was not purposeful on our part, yet neither of us could walk away without wanting a way to reconnect.


What are your thoughts, do we choose love or does love choose us?

Published by gifted50

I am a lover of God, most things from nature, (not worms or snakes) and photography. I love dancing, music, reading, learning new things. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I am a Registered (Emergency Room) Nurse by profession. The intent behind this blog is to share tips on how we can become healthier and better versions of ourselves as we journey life's road together. I write about my life experiences, health, childhood lessons, my relationship with God and man and heed the promptings of the Holy Spirit. So let us journey alongside each other. "Keep good company, read good books, love good things and cultivate soul and body as faithfully as you can" ~ Louisa May Alcott.

4 thoughts on “Do We Choose Love? or Does Love Chose Us?

  1. Love chose us and also it’s something we also need to engage in – loving and showing others love.
    Like the part you mentioned we can’t choose when to stop loving. But we have a decision to keep choosing to love. 💯


  2. Beautiful Pene. Just beautiful❣️

    I’ve been dealing with the heartache of a changing landscape that is bringing a friendship to a close and I’m really struggling with it.

    My love for her was not a choice, it was immediate and like gravity pulling me to her. And though distance seems to be stretching our connection and influence in each other’s daily life, I already miss the idea of her not being an influence in my life, and it hurts my heart in the worst way.

    Your post gave me so much comfort that I’m not alone in this sadness and I know my love for her and our friendship was exactly what I needed during that season of my life.

    It was beautiful and essential to my growth and I thank her for that.

    For now, I continue to love her and let the friendship go it’s course. Not forcing or demanding anything more than it is. Thanks for sharing this❤️❤️

    I needed it 😘🥰🤗


  3. Well-written and wise, Pene! I have had the experience of wanting to love someone, a person of great intelligence, accomplishment, and kindness that I liked and greatly admired. I am so glad we never made a commitment though…we were too different, and we would have made each other miserable!

    And then I met Robert! The first time we met, I felt like I had known him forever. We have been together ever since… seven happy years. Did love choose us? Well, I guess you could say that. Plenty of Fish matched us online. 🙂


Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: